Royal wedding: PM Cameron turns tail

Being of Scottish descent, but now a Canadian, I have really never had much of an interest in the British royalty.

Being of Scottish descent, but now a Canadian, I have really never had much of an interest in the British royalty.

As a news junkie of course, royalty as such is an occupational hazard. And writers are so clever – generally speaking – that headline wording often draws you into a curious “quick look” at the latest.

Equally, the outrageous and the excessively tasteless can also draw you in, simply wondering “what the heck?”

The incessant flood of news about the upcoming nuptials of Prince William and Katherine Middleton – might as well get used to it, after the wedding “Kate” Middleton’s shortened name will disappear – except when the headline writers need to match letter count. Remember, that’s when Diana became Di.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, as the stress relievers advise. That won’t, I guarantee, translate into any overnighter in front of the TV because of the eight hour time difference. The earliest I’ll be available for royal wedding coverage will be around 8.30 a.m.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a true anti-Monarchist, I just don’t know any Royals, face to face, but I do wish them all the best, like all young people.

Rest assured, however, on the morning of April 29, barring some world-shaking tragedy, ( I doubt if even an earthquake- tsunami could bump this event,) if you want to watch TV you’ll more than likely be watching “the wedding.” All media, perhaps with the exception of cartoon “baby-sitting” channels on TV are in the grip of royal wedding frenzy.

So what I thought I might do is take a look at some of the peripheral coverage and try to gauge how inane or inconsequential any event with a wedding tag has to be to go unpublished in the media.

The BBC has 1,222 related articles on this headline, “Your Royal Wedding questions answered”. A woman in Green Bay, Wisconsin, wants to know the history behind a morning Royal wedding. The BBC obliges by letting us all know: because it’s easier on the many horses involved in the parade and because (in the past) other newly-wed royals used to dash off on a honeymoon in the afternoon.

Also pleased to hear that there are no immediate security plans to take down the mobile phone network that day, but guests are being asked to shut of their phones, as a courtesy. Like any other wedding!

BBC won’t film in high definition – the Palace thinks the cameras would be too large. Long to “rain” over us? – not according to the weather office, which is optimistic about a nice day.

Another example, the CTV Royal Wedding site breathlessly reports the turn around decision of British PM David Cameron to wear a full morning suit with tails, instead of just a business suit to the April 29 “big event.”

Apparently, it was a wrench to give up the business suit and opt for the “traditional tails associated with upper class English weddings.” Truly, I was wondering about that. Sometimes I let my coffee go cold as I agonized along with Mr. Cameron.

Fortunately, a quote from the Daily Telegraph” explains that the wedding invitation (I haven’t got mine yet) states appropriate attire is suits, military uniforms or traditional formal wear. Clerics may wear clerical wear if they wish. I expect the Archbishop of Canterbury will … I hope he gets a beard and hair trim … otherwise he could scare young children present.

I liked the picture of the two close-cropped members of the British Army Foot Guards of the Household Division, shining their boots and whitening their belts and lanyards for the daily changing of the guard.

 

And the myriad of shots of police officers and members of the army peering down street drains, checking out phone booths, letter boxes, traffic lights and

 

lamp posts looking for bombs along the Mall in central London, earlier this week. No doubt, security will be assessed at close to the Canadian G8/G20 level for the Prince and bride riding in an open landau after the nuptials.

Time to send for Kevin Costner and Dirty Harry.

CTV also has a blog from Sheri Block, the network gal who has been assigned to cover the wedding. She’s panicking about her dress (and hat!) and visited a Toronto fashion store (appropriately named Fashion Crimes) for advice.

You’ll understand if you can navigate the site and watch her dress-selection visit. Don’t do it if you’re “environmental” about fur and feathers.

There’s an endearing message from a lady in Sylvan Lake, Alberta, which can be accessed by clicking on a marker in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I guess Google Earth is still working on this interactive map.

Anyway, if you’re bored and can’t wait for the wedding, there’s an Eden on the internet – just Google Royal Wedding.

At last count you could expect five and a half-million responses – enough to keep the most avid royals watcher sated till Friday!

 

 

 

 

ahewitson@telus.net

 

 

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